Olivia Rowlatt

Sex and Relationship Therapist (COSRT Accredited)

Rethinking infidelity

Rethinking infidelity

Why do people cheat?

Why can affairs be so traumatic?

How do you recover and rebuild after infidelity?

Esther Perel explores these questions.

Rethinking infidelity: The meaning of affairs

Affairs threaten emotional security

Affairs can be seen as an expression of longing and loss

Affairs are often about turning away from the person we ourselves have become.

Affairs are not always about turning away from a partner.

They can be expressions of desire for:

  • Novelty
  • Autonomy
  • Sexual intensity
  • A wish to recpature lost parts of  the self
  • An attempt to bring back vitality in the face of loss and tradegy

The definition of infidelity keeps on expanding… it now often includes:

  • Sexting
  • Watching porn
  • Staying secretly active on dating apps

There is no universally agreed upon definition of what constitutes infidelity.

The following three factors are usually present in infidelity:

  • A secretive relationship [this can include screenbased activities]
  • An emotional connection
  • A sexual alchemy

Questions about death and mortality and rethinking infidelity:

  • Is this it?
  • Is there more?
  • Am I going on for another 25 years like this?
  • Will I ever feel that thing again?

Rethinking infidelity can be helpful. Relationship counselling can be a good place to explore what meeds to happen. Call 07927 026 299, or email, for more information.