Attraction neuroscience in relationships
How does falling in love differ for men and women?
What is the science of sexual attraction?
What is attraction neuroscience?
Dawn Maslar explores how your brain falls in love
Attraction neuroscience
What makes men commit?
What makes women fall in love?
Dawn explains her journey. Discover role of her grandmother in her discoveries.
Do you have concerns about your relationship?
Attraction neuroscience explains how people fall in love. A same sex or queer relationship is the same. LGBTQA all are fundamentally similar. It can help to explore further.
Call or email if to explore your issues. Relationship therapy helps with communication. Sex therapy finds solutions for sexual issues.
For more information about Dawn Maslar click here
Relationship neuroscience tips
Learn more about relationship neuroscience
Have you ever wondered why relationships can be so challenging?
Find out more about human interactions.
Stan Tatkin looks at the neuroscience of communication
Relationship neuroscience
What really causes arguments!
It’s not about sex or money or who picks up the socks.
There is a far more primitive reason.
Give your relationship a fighting chance.
Is your relationship challenging?
Are there issues you would like to resolve?
Phone or email to find out more. Relationship therapy can help communication. Sex therapy helps with sexual issues.
Find out what Stan Tatkin has to say about relationship neuroscience tips.
Intimacy in long-term relationships
Find out more about intimacy and desire in long-term relationships
| > | Have you been with your partner a long time?
Do you have sex less frequently than you did at the beginning of your relationship? Esther Perel explores dynamics that arise in long-term relationships. |
Your attitude to your sex life will make a difference!
Consider the following:
- How do you view your partner?
- Do you put time aside to be physical with each other?
- Do you have fun?
- Are you playful together?
- Do you get on well together?
Relationship and sex therapy can help to restart or improve your sex life. Give me a call or email to find out more.
Find out more about Esther Perel. Follow her and listen to her podcasts.
Gottman’s ratio and relationships
What is Gottman’s ratio?
In 1983 John Gottman interviewed 73 newly-wed couples. Each couple was filmed in conversation for 15 minutes. The number of positive and negative interactions between each couple were counted.
He was able to predict whether couples would stay together or get divorced.
A follow-up in 1987 showed that Gottman had predicted divorce with 94% accuracy
Why does Gottman’s ratio work?
Positive interactions
- If you say something positive to your partner it makes them feel good.
- When hear yourself saying something positive to your partner it makes you feel good about yourself.
- When you behave in a positive loving way you start to feel more positive and loving.
- Your partner is more likely to take your negative comment seriously if most of your comments are positive.
Negative interactions
- The negative interactions are as important as the positive ones. They are most effective in Gottman’s ratio, 5 positive: 1 negative.
- It is normal to feel annoyed with your partner occasionally. It reminds you and your partner that you are two different people with different perspectives.
- A relationship without conflict is not able to move on. Over time goals, feelings and situations change. Negative interactions alert couples of the need to adjust things in the relationship.
- Some couples, are “volatile”. They unleash anger at one another. However, they offset that anger with even larger doses of warm feelings. Despite the volatility, such couples tend to be stable and successful.They not only influence each other with anger but also with affection.
Clients often say that Gottman’s ratio of 5 positives to 1 negative sounds impossible to achieve!
Each time you think something positive about your partner say it to them.
Check out these suggestions of positive interactions:
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- Make a cup of tea/ coffee for your partner.
- Give your partner a hug/ kiss/ hold their hand.
- Put music on your partner likes.
- Ask your partner about their day.
- Text your partner to say hello.
- Try saying the following:
- “You look nice today”
- “That top suits you”
- “You’re a great father/ mother”
- “This is a delicious meal”
- “It was a good idea of yours to ….”
- “I like it when you…”
Try out Gottman’s ratio with your friends, colleagues, children etc.
Call me if you want to know more…
Arguments and couple cousnelling
Are your arguments a problem? Can couple counselling help?
| It is normal for you and your partner to disagree. When you disagree does it lead to an argument?
Think back to the last time you argued with your partner. Did any of these factors play a part?
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In these situations it is worth recognizing that you or your partner are on a short fuse. If an argument begins try to finish it as soon as possible.
Mostly the issue you are arguing about is a symptom of your conflict, not the cause. Try to identify the deeper layer reasons for the argument and address them. If you do this then surface issues can be more easily resolved.
Deeper layer causes of arguments may be about past betrayals. They could be about fundamental needs not being met. Fundamental needs include:
- Love
- Respect
- Trust
You can explore these questions together. Relationship counselling can help if you want support in finding a better way of communicating.
More about Asperger relationship
Do you have an Asperger relationship? Want to know more?
| This youtube video describes symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome.
If you or your partner have Asperger’s you may find communication more challenging. There are ways to improve your communication. |
People with Asperger’s often withdraw. Spending long periods in solitary activities is common. They may not participate in family life.
The non-Asperger’s partner can suffer from emotion deprivation and loneliness.
People with Asperger’s do care about other people’s feelings. They struggle to read the subtle signs of different emotional states. Asperger’s varies enormously from person to person. Some do not feel adversely affected by Asperger’s and value the gifts it brings.
How can couple counselling help an Asperger relationship?
- It provides a forum for both people to explain what they want from the relationship.
- The meaning and impact of Asperger’s on the relationship can be explored.
- New strategies for communicating can be developed to meet your needs.
Sex in an Asperger relationship can be complicated
For some Asperger people sex is an important part of the relationship. For others sex is disconnected from emotional expression.
Sensory sensitivity can affect sex too. During arousal and orgasm the senses are heightened. Sensitivity to touch, especially genital areas can feature. A repulsion to the taste and smell of bodily fluids is not uncommon. This can make sex excruciating and frustrating for someone with Asperger’s.
Couple counselling and sex therapy can help. People on the autistic spectrum are often very creative. They view the world in unique ways. Many significant scientific breakthroughs were by people on the autistic spectrum. Good examples of this are Issac Newton and Albert Einstein.
These factors can cause misunderstandings. Working out how Asperger’s is affecting your sex life can make a difference. Maybe couple counselling and sex therapy can help?
If you are in an Asperger relationship and would like help then contact me for an assessment.
Masturbation issues for men and women
Masturbation issues for men:
Masturbation issues for women:
Is this a problem in your relationship?
Phone or email to find out more about sex therapy or couple counselling
How to find relationship happiness
Relationship happiness
What makes for a good relationship? Psychosexual therapy and couple counselling can be a good place to explore this.
Find out more about Robert Waldinger.
Shades of gay, iO Tillett Wright
Fifty shades of gay
| What does it mean to be:
gender neutral |
Self Evident Truths by iO Tillett Wright
Photographer iO Tillett Wright explores the Lesbian Bisexual Gay Transgender Queer [LBGTQ] spectrum. iO photograghed 10,000 people on the LBGTQ spectrum. She asked each to assign a percentage to how gay they are? Many had never been asked this question: An exploration of shades of gay.
The majority identified as either 5-20% or 80-95% gay.
What does being gay [or straight] mean? Where do you draw the line?
How helpful is it to define people by their sexuality?
Each individual is unique. Every human shares features common to all humanity. Each persons sexuality is different.
Lesbian Bisexual Gay Transgender Queer [LBGTQ] spectrum
What is the definition of spectrum? The Oxford Dictionary says the following. Used to classify something in terms of its position on a scale between two extreme points.
Many aspects of sexual responce and behaviour vary depending on an infinite number of variables. See my blogs on Sex and Sexuality and Gender spectrum.
Contact me for couple counselling and sex therapy. Email or phone on 07927 026 299.
Find out more about iO Tillett.
Relationship conflict and resolution
What happens when couples fight?
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Relationship conflict
The sculpture is of two adults sitting back to back. Perhaps an argument has occurred. Sadness and hurt are apparent. The inner selves are small children. The children are standing facing each other, holding hands through the grating.
Behind anger is hurt and sadness.
The inner child in both just wants to connect and love each other.
Here is a response to the sculpture:
Conflict is a normal part of relationship. Everyone experiences relationship difficulties at some time. Relationship conflict is can really get you down. If this is the case, couple counselling can help… Phone on 07927026299 for a chat. You are welcome to email questions.